Study Abroad

When in college, take full advantage of the chance to study abroad. Study abroad programs offer a unique chance to experience a new culture, learn a new language, or at least slather a baguette with Nutella and refer to it as "dinner."

One of the nicest features of study abroad programs is the people involved in them. You may always be able to spend time in Vienna, but rarely will you have the chance to spend time in Vienna with that chick from Sarah Lawrence College, and that guy who wore the cowboy hat, and the dude who got really sick on the train ride to Berlin. Remember that guy? Yeah, me too.

All this aside, a young person will not have many other chances in life to spend significant portions of time overseas with other like-minded Americans without joining the military, where the selection of art history courses is somewhat limited.

Where should you go? Most of the major cities of Europe make fine choices for study abroad. Resist the temptation to choose Amsterdam, as this choice will cause those examining your resume later in life to not take you seriously.

Study abroad programs in South East Asia, Australia, and South America are also all fine options, although these come with increased risk (respectively) of Bird Flu, boomerangs, and la Revolución.

If you're black, choosing study abroad in South Africa will make people think you're contemplative and interested in social justice. If you're white, choosing South Africa will make people wonder if you might be racist. If you're Asian, well, do whatever you want.

Bon Voyage!

Tattoos

At some point in your life, you may consider the purchase of a tattoo. At the time, a tattoo might seem to be a great way to express your individuality, your spirit, or your undying love of Blink 182. Resist this urge.

Are all tattoos are bad? Of course not. There are certain segments of society for whom tattooing is acceptable - even appropriate. Below are these segments. Find where you fit in!

1. You are in the military. Congratulations! You've shown a brave spirit and a commitment to the service and protection of your fellow Americans. Or, alternatively, you've accepted the option given to you by a judge in Moss Point, Mississippi that did not include the phrase "or go to prison." Either way, you're now reading this advice from a computer somewhere in Iraq. War is a terrible thing which can never be understood except by those forced to fight (or so I'm told). You have certainly earned the right to display a symbol of your service somewhere on your person for the rest of your days. Your tattoo will be like a Veterans' Administration card that you can still see in the shower.

2. You've suffered a loss. Condolences! Death is a natural part of life. Keeping a symbol of the one you've lost is a perfectly acceptable method of grieving. This doesn't have to be limited to loved ones who formerly walked on two legs. Many an NBA star has commemorated the loss of a pet with a memorial tattoo. One should not memorialize departed goldfish unless one is excessively tall and/or obese.

3. You're Samoan. Aloha! Many Pacific Islander cultures use ritual tattoos to celebrate entry into adulthood. Be thankful you are not a member of a traditional culture that celebrates entry into adulthood with a ritual tearing of the shoulder muscles (Meso-American). Be disappointed that you are not a member of a traditional culture that celebrates entry into adulthood with the Electric Slide (Judaism).

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are a member of one of these "tattoo appropriate groups," your tattoo must correspond to your appropriate classification. If you are Samoan you should receive traditional Samoan tattoos, which do not include butterflies, lady bugs, or Chinese characters translating to "Snowboarding Rules." If you are mourning the loss of your grandfather, your tattoo should not express your devotion to Nine Inch Nails (unless your grandfather was Trent Reznor). If you are a Marine your tattoo should express your Esprit de Corps, not your Esprit de Tribal Armband.

Under no circumstances should female tattoo seekers place their tattoo in the small of the back, as this will send signals condemning the wearer to a lifetime of being hit on by guys named "Brodie" and "the Deuce."